The New Adult Happy Meal (fools issue)


Photo and Story by Kim Francis



A local area restaurant will be adding an adult happy meal to their menu. It will consist of two all beef patties, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. There will be a new special sauce on the sandwich, guaranteed to make you happy for the rest of the day. 

Besides the sandwich there will be the normal fries and a drink. However instead of a toy like the children’s version there will be a tincture for under your tongue. It will be an added treat for later in the day to give that added little boost that people crave for the drive home. The flavors are yet to be determined however there are a few confirmed ones. They will be strawberry, banana, chocolate and pink lemonade. The ones that are on the drawing board are potato chip, corn chip, cheese puffs and pizza. ID’s must be provided to purchase.

Two of their local competitors will be fighting back with their own versions. One will redefine “Have it your way” by offering 16 new flavors and levels of THC that can be added to your soft drink. The other will change their logo to an updated version of the little redhead. It will feature an older girl, the braids will be gone, the hair will be waist length, there will be a cloud of smoke behind her and she will be holding a bong. Their ad campaign will feature their new late, late night menu for the people with the munchies at 2 a.m. 

Rumors have it that the restaurant that claims to be “The highest in the universe.” will be following with a re-branding campaign to take full advantage of their catch phrase. Their small lounge area will be glassed off, the tables and chairs removed and replaced with lounging pillows to properly enjoy the new hookah area.

The reason for all these changes is the same as all the other changes in town. To get the tourists to stop and buy in Woodland Park….