LAKE CRIPPLE CREEK COMING SOON! (fools issue)

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Photo by CR Chambers

CRIPPLE CREEK TO BECOME RESERVOIR
(Related Front Page Story)

 

 

Cripple Creek announced today that they have reached an agreement with Colorado Springs to become a water reservoir for their city.  According to Ray Black, Cripple Creek City Administrator, due to the continuing drought in the state, the expanding population of the city of Colorado Springs and the increase in military forces in the area, Colorado Springs and the surrounding area needs additional sources of water.  Cripple Creek is a natural volcanic cauldron capable of becoming a huge reservoir.  The plan is to dam the southern end of the city where a pipeline will transport the water to Canon City and then on to Colorado Springs.  
Colorado Springs will be hiring a special assessor to evaluate and appraise each property within the Cripple Creek city limits.  The city will then take each property by eminent domain and pay the property owners the appraised value plus twenty-five percent.  It is estimated the entire process will take approximately two years.

A high-ranking confidential source from the state reports the governor’s office has been in secret negotiations with all casino owners for approximately three months.  As the state did not want to lose the revenues the casinos generate, a plan was devised and approved to relocate the casinos. When contacted, the Governor’s Office had no immediate comment, but would schedule a news conference next week.

According to the report, the casinos have been approved to move to the city of Victor after their properties have been acquired.  This would account for the increasing downtown property values that have skyrocketed in the city of Victor over the past three months.  An investigation into the reported multiple purchases of properties in Victor shows all purchases have been made by an attorney’s office from Denver, Dodah & Associates.  Multiple calls to the office have not been returned.

According to additional information received, the plan will take approximately ten years to complete.  After all properties have been evacuated, the Cripple Creek-Victor Mine will have four years to clear and retrieve gold from under the city.  According to confirmed reports, the mine has been secretly taking core samples for the past two months from old mine shafts under the city to find where deposits of gold could be found.  Super rich deposits have been located and will be excavated.  It is estimated when they start digging, it will add an additional thousand feet of depth to the valley.  This will more than double the Colorado Springs’ storage capacity of water than it would have otherwise.

After the excavation, Cripple Creek will be dammed up on the south end and the water reservoirs that feed the city will be diverted to fill the basin.