Commissioners Support Spending $10 Million for Tribute to Popular President
Travis Phelps
It’s now official, Teller County is “Trump Country,” in a bold gesture that could remain unmatched throughout Colorado and possibly the entire country.
During a special Teller County commissioners meeting, the board voted unanimously to honor the area’s favorite president with the official “Trump Country” designation.
In order to honor their beloved president, the county plans to construct four 30-foot-tall statutes of President Donald Trump that will be located at all of the entrances to the county. The project is expected to cost the county around $10 million, and the statutes will be finalized and installed in the next month.
“After our wonderful president was so excited about having his portrait hung at the state Capitol building, we figured we would do our part to honor him as well,” County Commissioner Eric Stoned quipped, in reference to criticism over a photo of the 47th president in the Capitol that stirred concerns by Trump himself. The president recently blasted Governor Jared Polis, referring to the governor as a “Radical Left” leader. “Jared should be ashamed of himself,” posted Trump on the Truth Social site, in regards to the portrait of himself exhibited at the state Capitol.
State officials recently agreed to remove the portrait due to the controversy generated over this issue.
The Teller commissioner joined the chorus of Republican critics, who question the quality of the portrait in the Capitol building, which has stirred outrage on social media outlets, and contend it is another example of a state government that despises GOP leaders and especially rural Colorado. As a result, the commissioners are taking matters into their own hands and devising a way to demonstrate the proper tributed to President Trump, through the construction of mega Trump statutes.
“The state can even do a good portrait of our fine president. Don’t worry, we will take care of this situation in a dignified manner. The statutes will be huge, and nobody needs to worry about how much it costs. Since our county is super rich after recent raises in property taxes, we will be taking the $10 million from our special fund,” added Stoned.
The statues will all be made by famous local marble sculptor Fran Sotomeyo. Sotomeyo said that the four statutes will be unique, and he will incorporate some of the county’s mountainous terrain in the depictions.
The artist already started making the statutes and he plans to be finished in the next week or two. Once the statutes are completed and installed, the county plans on throwing a giant unveiling party on April 31 with the president himself in attendance.
“We plan on making this a big deal and letting the president fly his helicopter right into the county,” Stoned said. “We plan on closing Hwy. 24 in order to welcome over 100,000 attendees at the border between El Paso and Teller Counties.”
The one slated to be built on the El Paso County border will incorporate Ute Pass as a theme. The artist said that the president will be standing inside a rocky cave with rocks falling out of it and onto the highway.
The one on the border of Douglas County will be made out of gold to welcome Teller’s visitors from the north (the richest county in Colorado). The gold statute will show the president standing proudly and pumping his fist with one hand while holding a giant gold nugget in the other.
The statute on the Teller’s west border with Park County will incorporate the National South Park Heritage Area. This sculpture will show Trump riding in a covered horse drawn wagon.
The artist did say though, that his favorite is the statute that will be placed on the Fremont and Teller County border. Since Fremont County has more of a desert-like terrain, the artist plans to build a statute of Trump in a Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner theme.
During the event, the president will watch the first statute unveiled and then travel in his helicopter to the other four. The county commissioners plan to invite all of the classic cars and motorcycles in the region to join in on a presidential parade through the county to see each statute.
Commissioner Bill Campbell said that the tribute to the best president in the history of the world comes at the perfect time when the Democratic Party constantly attacks him along with the rural way of life. “After seeing all of the unprecedented, wonderful things the president has done in such a short time, we decided to give him a tribute in a time when he needs it the most,” Campell said. “And since he has made our economy so wonderful in the past two months, we are blessed to be financially able to give our respects to someone so endeared by the entire county.”
Happy April Fool’s Day!
