Highway 24 Speed Limit Lowered to 2mph

The Colorado Department of Transportation (CDOT) has agreed to lower the speed limit on Highway 24 in downtown Woodland Park to 2 miles per hour.

After constant badgering by Woodland Park City Manager David Butterie, CDOT has acquiesced to Butterly’s demands for the slower speed limit through town.

Sighting a barrage of written requests and several guided tours of the highway by Butterie, CDOT officials have given up trying to keep traffic moving through town.

A CDOT official who requested he remain anonymous said, “I just can’t take it anymore. Butterie has been pounding this issue for years now and has even started camping outside my house so he can intercept me before I get out of my driveway.”

The official went on to say, “I can understand Mr. Butterie’s desire to slow people down so they can enjoy the view of Pikes Peak and get a glimpse of the shops along the highway for future shopping forays, but for God’s sake, people need to get to where they’re going!”

Mr. Butterie was pleased by the decision. “I always have the community’s best interest in mind when I’m performing my duties as city manager. This decision will greatly reduce the perilous situation that now exists in our little town.”

“Now that we have concluded our Traffic Circulation Study and have diverted local traffic through surrounding neighborhoods, we can concentrate on getting tourists and truckers to take a closer look at our town for possible relocation. We would love to welcome those passing through to consider Woodland Park as their new home. This new speed limit will give them a chance to see how lovely our little town is.”

When asked what he thought of the new speed limit, that guy who is often seen walking aimlessly around town and who also preferred to remain nameless stated, “This is great. It’s much easier for me to cross the highway now since the cars are mostly standing still. I’m thinking about setting up a windshield washing business at the intersection of Highway 24 and 67.”

Brian Sherman, owner of The Crystola Roadhouse, said, “I’m thrilled with the new speed limit. With so many cars backed up in front of my bar, there are bound to be some who will need to eat and drink something. The Crystola is now in a perfect location to take advantage of the increase in slow traffic.”

Woodland Park Chief of Police, Miles ToGo said, “This makes my job a lot easier. I can now deploy traffic officers on foot to enforce the speed limit.”

When asked how fast over the 2mph limit would elicit a citation, ToGo said, “It would not be prudent for me to answer that question.”