Hot Button Insider -Murf Unleashed

7.24.15-hot-button
Someone recently had the opportunity to eaves drop on an executive session of the city council and management. They came back to the office and spilled their guts.
With all the hot button issues of recreational marijuana, school taxes, the pool, and the bypass coming up time and again in Woodland Park it seems the city council has come up with some projected resolutions that may make everyone happy. After much debate the obvious solution became to just make everyone happy, but seeing as that wasn’t really possible, the city council voted to move forward with whatever was necessary to make as many people as possible happy. After all, as a public official keeping the constituents happy is how you keep your job, right?
The latest proposals for a recreational marijuana store have met with stiff resistance from some community members and serious support from others. So new proposals are arising for a more modern approach to Woodland Park’s problem. The City itself has decided to open a recreational marijuana store so that one hundred per cent of the funding will go to needed projects. It will solve many problems and hopefully lessen the burden on taxpayers. Those who have a problem with the store are welcome to exercise their right not to patronize the endeavor. It’s a win-win situation. Some council members once learning just how much revenue a recreational store would bring to this community did a one hundred and eighty degree turn on their stance of recreational marijuana The recreational marijuana store in Woodland Park will increase tax revenues through recreational marijuana sales and create matching funds for the school so some of the state funds can be recouped from the major windfalls. This will also appease the many local parents who are threatening to send their school aged children to Manitou School District in the pursuit of higher funded education.
The Sheriff’s department is being considered for recruitment to run the operation of growing the recreational marijuana using inmate labor. The inmates will learn horticulture, gardening, and the proper processing of the recreational goods. The jail, already having a commercial kitchen will also be in charge of processing the edibles. Plans are already in consideration to start home economics courses for the inmates. It is thought that the home economics and horticulture lessons will help some of the inmates learn new skills and get them out of their lives of crime. This will also reduce the cost of production and give the inmates something to do on the new chain gangs being implemented next year. Only non-violent repeat DUI offenders will be allowed out on the chain gangs. The concept is to embarrass the non-violent types into compliance and prevent future DUIs. One of the recommendations is to put the chain gangs in bright yellow jumpsuits with dayglow pink stripes to make them easier to spot should one escape.
The next part of the proposal is a far reaching concept which will provide extensive summer jobs for our young folks and allow them to pay off part of their federal debt, or at least their parent’s part of the federal debt. The young folks will help build the bypass under the tutelage of a Chinese Engineering firm called Broad Sustainable Building. Broad Sustainable, whose claim to fame is that they built a 57 story building in 19 days in central China, will have the plans for the bypass in place by next year for public and official review. The building consortium will receive a fifty square mile free trade zone in western Teller County for its efforts. Now this has been one of the best ideas to come down the pike in a very long time and the entire plan appears it will be a home run. Rumor control has it that there are plans to transform the Swiss Chalet into a Chinese Restaurant to handle the influx of Chinese laborers that will come with Sustainable Building and the economic free trade zone. The concept is in place for United Nations approval. Woodland Park High will begin giving classes in Mandarin Chinese so that the high schoolers can understand orders while learning heavy equipment operation to install the bypass. The city limits will extend beyond the bypass, which will be built with numerous speed traps so that the city will not lose any revenue from speeding tickets.
With the bypass in place the downtown area will be turned into a walking zone complete with sidewalk seating so that the local businesses can expand their seating capacity and tourist can enjoy a more peaceful and relaxed setting while they try and find something to do. Which may soon include the Woodland Wild Water Aquatic Center. The plans for the aquatic center are again being revamped. The aquatic center is under redesign to include more of an attraction style amusement spot. Now the plans are to build it in the property donated by a Woodland resident north of town and just off highway sixty seven. The city manager has also injected talk of including a casino so that parents can drop off their kids and go have a stiff one while raising city revenues in a number of ways.
There is also a discussion going on to create a whole new road race for the Ute Pass area. One day a year the Ute Pass will host a Formula One style race that will bring Teller County and El Paso County closer in a business arrangement. The race will be a twenty lap three hundred mile race from 31st street in Old Colorado City to The Wal Mart turn around in Woodland Park. The race will have national coverage and is expected to bring thousands of spectators to the area. The race will be an anything goes Road warrior type race. Plenty of spectacular driving is expected and to top the ratings of cage fighting. The first one hundred entrants will earn their poll positions at the Pike’s Peak speedway time trials the week preceding the event. We cannot wait to see this one! Some of the local racers have decided to get in and are already designing their mad max mobiles with only winning in mind. The Pike’s Peak hill climb is getting old and the thoughts are that there would be a whole bunch more excitement with all areas for possible accidents. The projected first race will happen around July 4th 2018.
Lastly, there is an idea being floated at the City Council that would allow for disgruntled locals to engage in pugilistic combat to settle differences of opinion. Local residents can apply to have ring time with any of the city council members for real or perceived grievances. City Council member will be allowed to hire a champion or someone on their side, if they can find someone, can step up to duke it out. If a champion is appointed, the champion must wear a caricature mask of the person in whose stead they stand. Very large Nerf style boxing gloves will be used and people will be required to wear sumo suits to prevent any real injury. The contests will be held after each city council meeting. Due to the expected large number of grudge matches it is first come first serve with a time limit on the contests. The contests are just to allow people to get rid of their aggression. Admission will be ten dollars at the door for the general public. The funds will be used for the community slush fund for whatever the city council decides on.
So that’s a wrap up on the “vision” of the city council for the next couple of years. Have a great April folks, might prove to be interesting next couple of years.