Teller County Exiting Colorado
Rick Langbert
In a growing state of frustration with state officials, Teller leaders are launching the first major effort in years to exit the state’s government.
Petitions were filed Monday, setting the stage for Teller to become the 51st state of the nation. And if successful, other counties, especially in Colorado’s rural sectors, could join the movement and get incorporated into the country’s newest state.
“Clearly we have had enough,” blasted Teller County Commissioner Eric Stoney, in announcing the bid. “Eight hundred bills a year with no intention of listening to rural residents is just one reason for the sucession papers to get filed.”
“We have tried to work with the governor on a variety of issues, and just continue to get thrashed. It is obvious, the state of Colorado, under the current dominance of regulatory rules, does not want us, ” added Teller County Commissioner Dan Williames.
Under the new state of Teller, firearm shooting ranges will run rampant, along with propane and natural gas outlets. And many of the new health mandates, including environmental regs, will get axed immediately.
New development projects will take considerably longer to implement, as past planning requirements and codes are experiencing a complete overhaul.
A big gaming expansion development will occur in Cripple Creek, but a complete ban will get implemented on I-gaming and any future towns entering the market.
Elections will determine the new governor, with current sheriff Jason Mikesaw commanding the frontrunner spot.
All in all, it is a dream environment for Teller leaders who cite this as a home-rule paradise on the county level.
But on the downside, the cost for starting the new state are staggering.
As a result, Tina Peterse could become the next Secretary of State due to her innovative ideas of collecting cash for votes.
“Over my dead body,” replied “Jess Grisawald, the current secretary of state, known for her battles with President Donald Trump and with Peterse.
“Revenue collection will be our main challenge,” admitted Stoney. “But that is a small price to pay maintaining our personal freedoms,”
This could open the door for legalizing prostitution, and adding considerably more brick and mortor sports betting outlets. But with this boom, a system will be devised so local entities can get more impact funds.
Neighborhood squabbles will end up getting determined by the outcomes of shooting duels
on the Mountain, with the losers getting slapped with high fines. This will replace the current code enforcement system that ties up court proceedings for months.
Plus, some of the speeding ticket revenue citation plans, with the use of special automated cameras, currently used in Green Mountain Falls, may be implemented
Fines for junk car violations will explode to further generate more money.
“Good riddance,” said Colorado Governor Jarrad Polls, who readily admits relations between the two entities have been strained for some time.
Happy April Fool’s Day!
