Lovin’ That Wealth and Doing What I Can for Economic Recovery

by Eli Stone:



If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen. Samuel Adams Greetings, pantings, and salivations from Mad Dog Murf!

I am vacationing, sort of, in parts of the world far removed from Colorado. Actually I am attending a family wedding and enjoying the love, the drama, and the wonder of two people in love. They had kids, bought a house and now they are tying the knot. A little in reverse of the American dream but they are dreaming none the less. Money is tight but the family is pulling together, robbing our piggy banks and doing what we can to stimulate the New England economy.

Speaking of stimulating the economy! Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U…S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely: If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan, or China. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala. If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea. If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan. If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in America by: 1) Spending it at yard sales, or 2) Going to ball games, or 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 4) Beer or 5) Tattoos. (These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

So I have reached the conclusion that everyone should go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day! No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help. Also hang onto that old scrap jewelry. Gold market analyst predict that the price of gold will hit go up a whopping 250-600%. Just think, if you had bought 10 ounces of gold back when it was two hundred dollars an ounce and you bought a two hundred thousand dollar house before gold goes through the roof….you could pay off the house after gold goes that high and the house would have cost you a measly two thousand dollars. Now Ben Bernanke has come up with the answer and he has the “Fed” buying mortgage backed securities at the tune of $40 billion dollars a week.

The Feds are fondly calling their latest round of printing Quantitative easing Three or QE3. Those of us watching them call it Quantitative Easing Indefinite cuz there is no end in sight. I dunno what the plan is for the mortgage backed securities, which just happen to be the mortgages on your house and mine. Gee, want an example to where all this leads? Go read about the land deals conducted by the Weimar Republic prior to the National SOCIALIST (Nazis) seizing power in Germany right before WW2. I don’t think the results were positive. So, in other related stories, the powers that be found a wealth of information on the computers captured from Osama Bin Laden and crew. One of the items that were discussed in detail on those computers was the use of economic warfare by the jihad waging dudes against us by setting forest fires. The Economic Warfare Institute at American Center for DEMOCRACY (which we ain’t) is maintaining that the terrorist, GASP!, caused the fire in Waldo Canyon.

Now just what the hell is the government’s concern about some al Qaida or jihadist that our own government imported, educated, and invited to live here in the USA. What with our own government waging economic warfare against we the people I would say that the Jihadi dudes are the least of our worries. Now maybe al Qaida started the fire and maybe they didn’t start the fire but hell it was dryer than a hot piece of popcorn around here and we had lightning starting fires. Does that mean the weather is against us too? Better commission a study to combat lightning strikes. Fires do of course scare the dickens out of most folks. Especially if those folks who built a wooden house in a forest prone to fires. But not to worry, the fire that is coming with the collapse of our dollar will make the fires in the west seem like small fry. Small fry? Get it? God I kill myself some days! We ain’t a democracy here in the US but if you have a desire to watch the briefing on the fire terrorism just go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFHM0rd9cX8&feature=share&fb_source=message.

So the Treasury Department is printing ever more money, the Fed is giving away ever more money. Gee, I guess we may get some economic stimulus money sometime soon. Now if it is still worth anything we might be able to buy something with it. If not I guess we will hafta use it for toilet paper or fire starter. I do however find it somehow sacrileges to take that route with the founding fathers’ pictures. I guess I am gonna go fishing today; I need to catch a big un to bring home to the wife and pups. Lord knows I can’t afford to have fresh fish flown in to good old Colorado. Over the last week and over the next two weeks I will have attended three wedding for very dear friends. One couple I even married. It is good to see the hope in their faces. I hope the tide turns on the economy, but unless the government quits its insane attempt to spend our way out of debt we will get to see some interesting times. So as the sun slowly sinks into the west and the world becomes ever more inflamed with anti- American sentiment I cannot help but wonder what those clowns in Washington will try next. The UN Gun Ban Treaty supposedly passed and our beloved leaders have numerous pieces of legislation pending to deprive us of bullets. But not to worry, there is always compressed air. Now I will quit with panting hot air and go fishing. AND SPEND MORE MONEY….there are a lot of foreign countries depending on it! Love ya all my fellow patriots. God bless! Woof!