Woodland Park Pool To Be Abandoned

~ by Beth Dodd ~ (Crackpot Story)

A recent geological survey of the construction site for the long-awaited Woodland Aquatic Center has revealed a fatal flaw. The swimming pool is sitting on a previously undetected earthquake fault, and the project will have to be abandoned for safety reasons.

The geologic survey was supposed to have been completed prior to the start of construction. However, the study was delayed because the geotechnical engineer hired by the city forgot to renew his license and could not complete his site survey until his license was cleared. The engineering firm, Willy, Cheatum & Howe, has apologized to the city. The engineer’s final report revealed a previously unknown branch of the Ute Pass Fault, which has been named Woodland Park’s Fault. It runs directly underneath the Aquatic Center location. It is feared that the enormous weight of the water when the swimming pool is filled could trigger movement on the fault that would create a sinkhole under the pool, swallowing the building and any unfortunate swimmers inside it.

At the present time, it is unclear what will now happen to the Aquatic Center site. However, it is rumored that an unnamed local development group with a lot of spare dirt in their possession has offered to fill the pool crater for free. In exchange, they have requested a permit to operate a beer garden there.“This is the city’s Fault!” declared outraged city councilman Jon Wafer. “The city was fiscally irresponsible to move forward with construction before they had the geologic survey. The citizens of our community demand rock-solid planning of major projects. We need a shake-up of the city government!”

“This is definitely the city’s Fault,” agreed DDA Board Member Tanning Coil.  “They have spent a large amount of taxpayer’s money on a dead-end project. We should look into re-purposing the pool with the remaining project funds. The interior of the pool could be used as a skate park by the kids, and we could paint the pool walls with a western-themed mural.”

“This isn’t the city’s Fault,” contradicted City Manager Davis Butterfree in a recent interview with TMJ. “However, the risk to public safety makes it impossible to complete the project as planned. We are exploring other options to provide water recreation for the community with our remaining funds. For example, we could add a high dive, a water slide, and paddle boats to the recently reconstructed pond at Memorial Park.”